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实例解析中考英语作文给分原则

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发表于 2016-6-29 09:42:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
  2008年中考英语作文题目:
          Write at least 60 words about the topic “Love around me”. (以“我身边的爱”为题写一篇不少于60个词的短文,标点符号不占格)(注意:短文中不得出现考生的姓名、校名以及其他相关信息,否则不予评分)(总分16分)
          Use the following points as a guide. (短文须包含下列要点)
          Is there any love around you? (Give one or two examples.)
          How do you feel when you get love from him/ her/ them?
          What are you going to do to show your love?
          -----------------------------以上为背景------------------------------------
          下面我将为大家分享在这个题目下的几篇有特点的学生作文,附实际得分和我的点评。
          说明:由于是前几年的作文了,这里面的作文在其他网上也能搜到。拿出来分享一个是会加上我的点评,这个是网上搜不到的,另一个也是希望孩子们更明确作文的写法和得高分的要素。
          第一篇:
          I live on a planet which is full of love. I can get love form my teachers, friends and my parents. When I get love from them, I feel warm and happy. They are the most important people in my life. I should show my love to them. I will help my parents to do some housework if they are tired. I will help my friends when they are in trouble. I should show my love to the person who gives me love.
         【实际得分情况:5+6+1=12
          张老师点评:这篇文章其实是相当有文采的。开篇第一句话和最后一句话都正确使用了定语从句,这已经足以为其争取到1分的文采分了。整篇文章除了第一句有点不符合常理(planet不能用full of love,应该用world)和第6句help后面不应该用to之外,其他句子都没有语病,扣1分的语言分也可以理解。但是本文最大的败笔就在于遗漏了一个要点!题目要求对自己周围的love给出1-2个例子,但是本文中没有任何例子,于是被扣了2分的内容分,非常可惜。正所谓“要点不全就是错,妙笔生花又如何?”
         第二篇
          Love never leaves me. My parents, teachers, classmates and so on give love to me. My mother always come to my room and close the windows when I fall asleep on the cold night. My classmates and teachers always give me a hand when I have something difficult to do. I feel very warm and happy when I get love from all these people around me. I will give my father a cup of tea when he finish all the works. I will help my mother to do some housework. Love around me all the time.
          【实际得分情况:7+5+0=12
          张老师点评:要点一个不缺,7分到手。全文除了反复使用when引导的时间状语从句之外,无任何复杂句型,因此文采分为0并不冤枉。我要说的是被扣掉得2分语言分,不知道大家有没有看出来扣在哪里?先给大家5分钟时间看看吧。
          -------5分钟后---------
          其实这篇文章扣语言分的主要是2点
          1.三单。除了第一句之外的2处三单都用错了(找到了吗?)。虽然原则上讲每个语法点错只扣0.5,且重复不计,但是像三单这么基础的语法点,扣1分也不为过。
          2.最后一句缺系动词。也许这位同学是想在最后一句用一个短句子作为有力的结尾,可惜偷鸡不成蚀把米,句子不是想短就能短的。
          当然,文中还有on the cold night、when I fall a sleep、finish all the works等小一点的语法错误,但是仅仅是前面2个大的语法错误,就足以显示这位同学的功底了。正所谓“要点当然要齐全,语法岂止为单选?”
          第三篇:
          There is much love around me. Especially my parents, teachers, friends even some strangers. The love needs our heart to feel. Parents’ love is like river, silent and warm. When I’m in trouble, they encourage me in silent words. Friends' love is like fire, full of energy. It makes me more confident. And I also show my love in action to care others. Love is teaching me to love.
          【实际得分:7+5+2=14
          张老师点评:这是一篇让人爱恨交织的文章。按照08年以前的评分标准,原则上讲,内容和语言在12分及其以下者,是不能给2分的文采分的。但是这篇文章的几个句子,着实让人觉得爱不释手。例如Parents’ love is like river, silent and warm. 再例如 Love is teaching me to love. 这样的句子虽然并不复杂,但是读起来却像诗句一样。我想这也是为什么判卷的老师在文章中有明显错误的情况下(找到错误在什么地方了吗?),还给出2分的文采分。所以我想告诉同学们的是,文采分并不是神话,只要有意识地去准备一些结构,并在文章中合理使用,文采分是可以有计划地去获取的。正所谓:“微瑕不掩白璧,有心可算无心。”孩子们,加油!
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发表于 2016-6-29 09:56:41 | 显示全部楼层

       
  
                 
       
       
          第四篇:
          There is some love around me. Among all the people, I think my parents love me best. I study so hard that I don't go to bed until mid-night. However, my parents will always turn off their light after I do. While I am writing this passage, my parents are standing at the school gate. I decide to buy some flowers for them to show my love this afternoon.
          【实际得分:6+6+1=13
          张老师点评:从语言上看,这篇文章属于“不求有功,但求无过”的类型,第三句话对于so…that…句型和until一词的结合甚至还显示出相当的功底,这也解释了为什么它会获得1分的文采分。但是本文我想要给大家分享的是内容分。这篇文章被扣掉了1分的内容分,同学们能找出来它被扣在了哪里吗?也就是说这篇文章少了什么要点吗?给大家5分钟的时间试一试。
          ---------
          ---5min后--
          找出来了吗?其实,这篇文章缺少的要点还是挺明显的:How do you feel when you get love from him/ her/ them?这个要点可能只是一个形容词,复杂一点也就一个句子而已。但就是少了这一小部分,就被扣掉了1分内容分。要点是最容易得分也最容易扣分的部分,一旦扣分,就会让学生痛不欲生。迄今为止我已经点评了3篇关于要点的文章,就是希望同学们一定要保持警醒啊!正所谓:“题目字字是珠玑,逐条对应莫大意。”
       
          第五篇:
          I've been surrounded by love from my family since I was born. For example, my grandma often stays in the kitchen all day long, cooking foods which are healthy and delicious for me. My father isn't good at expressing his emotions, but my mom said that he always kissed me good-night without letting me know at night. I didn't know that at all because I was sleeping! I feel happy when I get sweet love from my family. My family members are the only people who are willing to sacrifice for you for nothing in this world! Of course I love them too, and I'm going to show my love by caring for them as much as I can. I'll wash bowls after meals, chat with them and make them laugh. Studying hard and make them pleased with me is also a good way to show my love. I will cherish the love around me forever!
          【实际得分:满分
          张老师点评: 这篇文章亮点太多,只能在原文上批注.请看下图:
          同时,必须要说明的是:这并不是一篇完美的文章。
          一方面,文章中是有2处错误的,我已经在图片上注明,所以并不是一定要完美的文章才能得满分,只要有足够的亮点即可;
          另一方面,文章太长(156w),超过答题卷的范围太多,可以想象它超出的部分肯定是非常拥挤且字很小的,如果不是这篇文章实在太精彩,想拿高分恐怕也很难。
          正所谓:万绿丛中几点红,哪怕叶上毛毛虫……
          又有家长呼吁上点学生习作,于是来一篇之前我的学生LYQ写的作文。
          Nowadays, the lunch in school is not as popular as it used to. Some students don’t like it so they go out of the school in order to eat the food they prefer. However, not all delicious food is good for their health.
          I would like to present my ideas as follows. There is no denying that students ought to follow the school rules to have lunch at school, which can not only keep themselves healthier but also make it easier for the teachers to manage the students. But on the other hand, it is the responsibility of the schools to improve the qualities of their dishes. Only in this way can they attract more students to have lunch at school.
          【实际得分:17分】
          张老师点评:
          这是我以前一个学生的习作,当时的题目如下:
          现在,有很多同学选择在学校外面吃午饭。这样做是否正确?你的建议是什么?请写一篇不少于60字的文章。
          老实讲,其实这篇文章是可以得满分的,但是由于是习作,我强行扣掉了1分。这篇文章从文采来讲,当然是很好的,但是其实其中很多句型,在很多文章中都可以通用,只要提前熟悉,要写出来其实并不困难。例如文章中出现的”I would like to present my ideas as follows.” “There is no denying that…” “only in this way + 倒装句”等等,都是我们平时操练过的。所以很多事情你看起来很困难,但是对于有准备的人来说也是比较轻松的。正如贾岛诗言:“二句三年得,一吟双泪流。”
         
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